When the Muse has a Migraine

Managing a creative business with a chronic illness.

By: Heather E. Andrews

Sixty percent of Americans live with chronic illnesses, according to the National Institute for Healthcare Management. According to them, chronic health problems account for 90% of all healthcare spending. So, there’s a good chance that if you’re reading this, you have a chronic illness of some kind.

Five years ago, I had a day job at a call center and started struggling with work, and had to take a leave of absence. I developed three chronic conditions that needed to be addressed immediately. It changed my life completely.

What’s hard about being chronically ill is that I want to do more. I want to be a high-performance writer, but when I push myself harder to be more productive, it blows up in my face, and I end up behind for weeks. Deadlines become like looming disasters waiting to happen. It’s not a functional way to run a business—hell, it’s not a functional way to live.

I’ve read far and wide, looking to other writers and industry professionals experiencing the same thing. I’m sharing with you some of the information I’ve gathered and some resources.

It’s good to know that I’m not alone. Sylvia Plath had chronic depression, George Orwell suffered from tuberculosis, James Joyce had chronic glaucoma and Laura Hillenbrand battled CFS. But they put out some amazing books, some bestsellers and works of art that stick with us still today.

We all know lots of writers have suffered from alcoholism and drug addiction—think Stephen King and Carl Sagan. But people don’t talk much about chronic health problems. The industry would rather have us strung out on substances but still making deadlines and writing bestsellers than being healthy and producing at our own rate.

In the insanity of my illness, I did what a lot of us do—research, research, research. How do I have a successful career while making room in my life to accommodate my health? I’m here to report what I’ve been able to decipher from the resources I’ve read and my own personal experience.

1.      Be okay with where you are.

Some days are going to be zero-days—days when you feel like you’re getting nowhere and have no momentum to get anywhere. I’ve spent a lot of time ranting and raving against this—pushing myself to fight the need to rest or take care of myself so I can “work harder.” As though I have to reach some self-righteous goal to feel accomplished. It’s foolish to hide from where I am, think I can do more than I’m capable of. It does nothing but leave me at a disadvantage.  

2.      Get rid of time clutter.

Energy is a finite resource. Some days, no amount of coffee or Diet Coke can get me through the day. I’m way beyond the “all-nighter” days of my graduate school era. I try to think of my energy as a resource to allocate to my work, my family, etc. One suggestion that has helped the most is getting rid of time clutter. Those little things can suck energy and attention, which we can use either in our creative endeavors or in our physical recovery. If I have five things I want to do today, I immediately try to get rid of two or three of them. Busy is not better.

3.      Comparing is despairing.

I want to be the next Nora Roberts. Publish ten books a year, tour endlessly, and go to every book club I can. And I want to start doing it ten years ago. Sound familiar?

I’ve worked hard to develop an image of what I want Heather’s career to look like and keep that in the forefront. Even if I force myself to work as hard as her, I’ll never be Nora. But I can probably be a pretty badass me.

4.      Do what works. At a pace that works.

Define a personal standard for productivity. Base it on honest observations. So, it’s important to set realistic goals based on experience and observation. I know that if I work early in the morning when there are fewer distractions, I can focus and get more done. But I always need a nap in the late morning. Based on this information, I will not force myself to work eight hours straight through. I know I write better in the morning and edit better in the afternoon. Work with the grain, not against it.

Set a buffer zone and adjust as you go. Set a due date earlier than it’s actually due. I’m trying to do this because I am chronically late. I do good work but damn it’s hard to do it on time as I work around flare-ups. Chronic illness is impossible to plan for.

Esmé Weijun Wang is a writer who talks openly about her career and her chronic illness. As she puts it, when a flare hits, you can either wait for the perfect moment or do what you can now—even if it’s imperfect. So even on the days when I can barely get out of bed, I focus on just making some progress. They say, “Progress, not perfection.” I had to reframe it as, “Progress is perfection.”

5.      What is your comfort zone?

I can’t sit in a wooden chair or I’m asking for hamstring cramps. I’d love to have one of those fancy desks with a big computer, but my body prefers the living room couch. My house isn’t the cleanest because of energy levels—I’ll never have a YouTube-ready writing room. I work on being comfortable with what is and what I can do. I’d rather write than mop.

6.      If you can’t write, do something else: read, practice, fantasize, market, journal.

Read—it’s research, right? I love reading for a living. Practice—copywork rocks and it works. Fantasize—daydream about your story. Marketing—the dreaded business end. Journal—write about your process and how things are going. Blog—about creativity and chronic illness (as one does). Fill the well—build your creative energy by going to a museum, watching a movie, talking with a friend.

7.      Support system.

Connect with other writers who understand chronic illness. There are a lot of online communities for writers living with chronic illnesses. The key is, don’t be afraid to talk about it.

Have a team you trust. Your agent, editor, PA and others who know what you face. We’re people and we need to trust each other. If you don’t have people like this in your life, consider finding them. Sometimes it's smart to spend a little money on help, so we can focus on the creative stuff. 

8.      PARTY.

Celebrate your wins—anything that you have to work for. When a flare is bad, I deserve a gold medal for getting my butt in the seat in front of the computer. Hitting the publish button, finishing a chapter, completing a scene—these are all things that deserve a reward. It’s forward movement.

Resources:

Stacy Frazer’s Write it Scared podcast and blog: https://www.writeitscared.co/blogcollection

Writing with a Chronic Illness with Esmé Weijun Wang: https://esmewang.com/chronic-illness-writing

Heather E. Andrews is the author of the Bold Melodies Series. She is an editor for Write On Studios, LLC. Find her blog here: https://www.heather-e-andrews.com/studioblog